Long ago, a manager told me that I needed to socialize the changes I wanted to make. She recommended I meet with people before the decision meeting.
That seemed like a waste of time to me. Why should I meet with people in advance? Couldn’t I just explain what I wanted, we would discuss, and then we would be all set.
She did not say, “Oh, sweet child…” But I bet she thought it.
Instead, she said, “That’s not how change works. You need to anchor some people—allies—on your side early. I’m one of them. And you need people to support you when other people object.”
That was the first time I’d thought of a support system at work. I’d thought of allies, but not really a support system.
Clarify the Role of a Support System
Very few of us can achieve anything alone. While I write these blog posts alone, I hope that someone will read them. My readers are part of my support system. The more you read, the more likely I am to write.
I write most of my books by myself. Yet, I have a whole system of editors, reviewers, cover designers, etc., to help me make the book the best it can be. I treasure my reviewers, because they tell me when I’ve confused them. Or, when a metaphor just does not work. In a sense, these reviewers are the anchor for the changes I want the book to make in the world.
So, how do you find these supportive people? Ask for help.
Ask for Help
One of the most powerful things we can do in the world is ask for help. I realize this might feel counterintuitive to you. But the more you ask for help, the more likely you are to find those anchors and allies, those people who start off on your side. Those people can advocate for the changes you all want to see.
The ask does not have to be big. I recently asked a dear friend if we could meet for lunch at a different place that would be easier on my food choices. He agreed, and lunch was delightful. That was a small change.
If you want to make a big change in the world, you might have to ask for much more. But the key is this: the more people you ask, the smaller the ask can be.
When too few people try to make big changes, they often fail. Instead, an extensive support system allows people to share the burden of the big changes. No one person feels overwhelmed. And everyone feels as if they work in concert to that one overarching goal. Everyone becomes an ally.
Allies Create Our Support Systems
The change I wanted to make all those years ago? I followed my boss’s advice and met with people before the meeting. A few of them said, “Of course, that makes total sense.” One of them said, “I hate what you’re doing now and I’m sure I will hate this new thing, too.”
Later, in the meeting, when I raised the topic, the hater expressed his opinion. I didn’t need to say a word. Instead, my allies, my support system, advocated for the changes.
That’s what support systems do. They create allies and help us make the changes we want. Regardless of how small or large those changes are.