congruence

How Do You Know It’s Time for You to Confront a Bully?

The rapper formerly known as Kanye West conducted an anti-Semitic tirade a couple of weeks ago. (You can find it if you want to see it.) In his tirade, he bullied Jews. He thought he was untouchable. His licensing deals, his promoters, all of his business people—he thought his business collaborators would leave him alone …

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How Can We Reconcile a Difference of Philosophy with Respect for People?

The news in the US is all about Queen Elizabeth’s death last week. I have many feelings all at the same time: Glad that I know because I like to know about world events. Sympathy and empathy for her children and grandchildren. Very few deaths are easy or good for the remaining family. Empathy with …

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What Do You Gain or Lose with Shortcuts, Rules, and Laws?

I love shortcuts—especially if I’m not supposed to use them. Why can’t I avoid right-angle paths and use the hypotenuse instead? That saves me some time. Can I make my exercise easier? I can—and I too often lose the value of the exercise. So shortcuts aren’t always good or always bad. The context matters. Shortcuts …

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When Did You Last Outgrow a Friend—Which Allowed You to Create Your Better Life?

When we were kids, we outgrew our clothing, sometimes at an alarming rate. (I vividly remember one summer when my older daughter needed a new pair of sneakers every three weeks.) Later, as we changed from childhood to our teenage years, we outgrew our interests. Some of us have outgrown jobs and found new jobs. …

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Are You Responsible To or For?

In my consulting work, I work with a variety of leaders in organizations. Some have title-based responsibilities, such as VP, Director, Manager. Some have position-based responsibilities, such as Product Owner, project manager, Scrum Master. Their responsibilities weigh on them. And, they speak about these responsibilities differently. Sometimes, they discuss being responsible for other people’s work. I see …

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Are You Fighting to Build Your Empathy Skills?

I was writing the geographically distributed agile teams book this morning with Mark Kilby. I said, “I have to fight for all my empathy skills. They might come naturally to you, but they don’t for me.” He laughed. Empathy and sympathy are quite different. To me, it’s about the context. Here’s the difference: Empathy is …

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