I just had a”Big Birthday,” the kind that ends in 5 or 0. So now, I am in the midst of a “senior life” crisis. It feels just like my previous crises, where I search to find a new role that fits my life now.
In Secrets of Consulting, Gerald M. Weinberg said:
It may look like a crisis, but it’s only the end of an illusion.
That’s certainly the case with me. We all change our roles to fit our current circumstances. While I’m a writer, speaker, and consultant in professional situations, that does not extend to all situations. Socially, I’m often “the wife,” or “the mom,” or even “the grandmother.” (Yes, it is great fun seeing yourself through the eyes of small children.)
But given the changing world, I’m now wondering how to best use my time. These role changes both excite and challenge me. (I often feel that way in Chaos.) Here are the things I keep noodling about:
- How can I stay relevant and valuable to people who do not know me yet?
- What do I want to do to achieve that relevance and value?
- Where can I spend my time to fulfill my dreams and purpose?
I do not want to be that old person saying things like, “Kids these days” or “Get off my lawn.” There are too many wonderful possibilities available to me to retreat to the past and shake my fist at the world.
That reminded me of Annie Dillard’s quote from The Writing Life:
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
Unsurprisingly, I’m focusing on writing as a way to start answering these questions. That’s because writing helps me think things through.
How Do You Think Things Through?
As an extrovert, I also talk things through. I am fortunate to have a close circle of friends who are in roughly the same position as I am. As we age, more of us have the luxury of choosing when to work, what to work on, and how long to spend at that work. We discuss that—a lot.
However, I need to prepare for those conversations. Otherwise, I get stuck, going around in circles.
That’s one of the reasons I write. I learn what I think as I write.
Even better, I use pictures to see how I feel as I think things through.
This image is my original career timeline from when I started to work through the first few years of my consulting career. Since I am in a “senior-life crisis,” I am updating this image to see my feelings about my life, my performance, and what helps me offer value to me, my family, and the world at large.
Between the writing, discussions, and feeling examination, I expect to learn enough to decide how to stay relevant and offer value to the people I choose. When I know what I want to offer and to whom, I can choose what to achieve—and how.
I’m already experimenting—a form of steering—and enjoying what I’m learning.
So here’s my “recipe” for steering through these crises:
- Consider the value you want to offer to which people.
- What do you want to achieve to fulfill that offer?
- How will you spend your days to achieve that?
Our various life “crises” are merely an illusion that we know what we want to do “forever.” That’s not possible—and it’s not even a good idea! Instead, how can we continue to reframe our roles to find our various options? Those options will allow us to find a new path.