I’ve been thinking about support these last few weeks. I have found support networks quite helpful, both for my emotional and physical needs.
Some people don’t want support. If you try to help them, you inflict help.
Sometimes, I don’t want support either. When I lean on a door to open it, I use my weight as additional strength against the door. If someone helps me by reaching over me to open the door, I am more likely to fall over. Oops. That’s why I wrote How May I Help You?
On the other hand, I need help for all kinds of things you might take for granted. I need help to reach things high up because I have TDS (too damn short) syndrome. It’s not going away. Because I have vertigo, I either need my rollator or helping hands when the ground is not smooth. I can live with that. (Let me rephrase: I will live with that!)
When I taught the writing workshop the first time, I thought I offered enough support. I am wondering now about any additional support I can offer to help people build their writing habits. I’m thinking of accountability check-ins. I will offer it, and not make it mandatory.
Here’s the problem I see. Many of us need more support than we ask for. We want less than we might need.
Here’s when I can ask for support:
- When asking does not diminish my sense of self.
- When I am strong enough to realize I can’t do this myself.
- When I am strong enough to be vulnerable to ask for help.
Here’s when I don’t ask for enough support:
- When I think I “should” be able to “just” do it.
- When I think I will appear weak and/or vulnerable.
- When I think I will not learn enough from asking for help.
You’ll notice that my perfection rules get in the way of asking for support. When I expect to be imperfect—and strong—I can ask for help.
I have noticed that many of us need more support than we think we might. Me included. How can we be strong in our request for help? That’s a mindset thing and I’ll address that in a different question of the week.
Dear adaptable readers, this is the question of the week: How much support do you want or need?
- Are You Pickled?
- What Do You Care What Other People Think?