Fear, uncertainty, and doubt. Every so often, the three indicators of low self-esteem rise up and kick us in the guts. That happened to me a couple of weeks ago. That’s when I spent a week in Las Vegas. I participated in an Anthology workshop where I experienced fear, uncertainty, and doubt—along with the reality—of my fiction writing every single day for four days.
Yes, it was a rollercoaster ride through the change model.
Here’s how the workshop worked:
- Back in June-July, we could write a short story every week in a specific fiction genre to the editor’s prompt.
- Our deadlines were clear. We got the assignment on Monday morning. The deadline for the story was the following Sunday night at midnight. (Think before 12:01 am on Monday morning.)
Then, before the workshop, we read everyone else’s stories. We decided what we would do with that story for that anthology. (Did we want to buy it or pass on it?) That was great fun. There was more fun during the workshop.
During the Workshop
During the workshop, we discovered what the editors thought of our stories. However, the value of the Anthology workshop is that every editor had a chance to comment on every story. So, even if you wrote for a cozy mystery, the science fiction editor could—and did—comment on your story.
Kristine Kathryn Rusch said at the start that all of us were professional fiction writers. (Yes, I wrote that down because I take credit for all the good things anyone says about my writing.) Even when the stories didn’t work, we were all professional. Our stories stood out from the general slush piles for magazines.
That was great. Especially since I’ve been pulling my fiction writing process apart and putting it back together for the past couple of years. That’s because I’ve learned how to write differently, to make my stories “stronger.” My experiments mostly work, but not all the time. That’s because I’m practicing.
I enjoyed the workshop. Not because I sold stories, but because the comments the editors offered me. I learned where my practice worked and where it didn’t.
I only sold one story, for the science fiction mystery anthology. My other stories either didn’t hit the mark or weren’t “strong” enough, in terms of tension. (There were other things, but tension is a good way to summarize it.) Especially when I feel time pressure, I tend to go for light and easy stories. Editors take a limited number of those.
That’s the writing learning. But I also learned a ton about my self-doubt, how I underestimate myself, and a little about how I can recognize my reality. That’s all about my self-esteem.
Recognize Reality
I have trouble maintaining my self esteem when I learn new things. Especially if it’s related to writing. I’m totally comfortable with my nonfiction writing—comfortable enough that I teach nonfiction writing.
But I allow my self-esteem to get low for my fiction. My reality is this: I’ve sold a couple of dozen stories to magazines, received personal feedback from editors, and published several short story collections.
Too often, I let fear, uncertainty and doubt creep into how I see myself.
That happened at least once a day in the Anthology workshop.
Instead, I need to recognize my reality. Some of my writing connects with some people some of the time. That occurs more frequently with my nonfiction right now. I connect with my fiction readers less often, which is why I’m learning and experimenting.
It feels a lot like when I learned to code. I’d make mistakes and learn from them and make new mistakes the next time. My practice changed how I felt.
And that’s where I am now. In big-time learning from all my mistakes and my writing changes. I can allow fear, uncertainty, and doubt—those indicators of low self-esteem—to change how I feel. Or I can recognize my reality: I’m learning and that’s okay.
Practice. That’s how I learn and recognize my reality.
Oh, and yes, I already signed up for the next Anthology workshop in two years. Not because I’m a “masochist,” but because I want to see what I can learn in the next two years. I have many chances to practice. And that will help me recognize my reality.
That’s the question this week: How can we move from low self esteem to recognizing reality?