When my younger daughter was in high school, her principal continually invited us to events. He thought we would “build community” with “meaningful connections” that way.
But I already went to high school. And the last thing I wanted—maybe not the very last, but close to it—was to return to high school. My daughter could have that fascinating experience all by herself.
Connecting on the basis of high school did not make much sense to me, then or now. I felt as if her principal tried to coerce us, the parents, into building “community. ” That’s because the real community creates its culture. While the school administration was the primary culture driver, the students chose when and how to reinforce that culture. Not the parents.
Contrast that experience with the eclipse earlier this week.
For those of us who live in the United States, we did build a community of either in-person or vicarious eclipse watchers. I watched NASA’s live stream, now recorded on YouTube. Watching the stream made me feel as if we were all a part of something larger than ourselves, a real opportunity to build community around the entire event and the images we saw.
Those common experiences created a culture of connection.
That’s when I realized what made me feel different about the various community-building events in which I’ve participated—or not.
When to Build Community
Aside from the eclipse, I’ve been a part of many work-focused community-building events I enjoyed. For years, I worked in organizations with informal Communities of Practice. Those communities might enjoy social activities, but those activities are not Mandatory Fun.
Earlier in my consulting career, I volunteered for many professional meetups, which were another form of Communities of Practice. Aside from the knowledge I gained from the various speakers, I also learned how to support the other volunteers and attendees. I also learned a big lesson: for volunteer communities to thrive, the leadership needs to learn to leave so new people can continue the community and evolve the culture. Some of those communities have not learned that lesson and they no longer exist.
Community can build human connection—but only as long as the community adapts and changes to the changing environment. That allows the culture to evolve and change.
I’m also a part of several writer communities. So far, we sustain those communities because we support each other. Then there’s the chicken and the egg problem: Do we build community to connect? Or do we connect first, and then build? As with most juicy questions, my answer is “both.”
How to Build Connection
The communities that sustain themselves seem to have several characteristics. Each community appears to:
- Welcome new participants, assuming those people meet some reasonable prerequisites. For example, people who want to discuss writing, but not write, do not last long in my various writer communities. In my writer communities, we write.
- Support people moving around the various leadership positions. And support new people joining the leadership, whether it’s titled leadership or not.
- Make everything optional, so people can choose their involvement level. This helps people in the community evolve the culture and supports people when they have trouble.
There’s no coercion to join or participate, as I felt long ago from the principal. I choose to join communities that lift everyone up. I don’t stick around where people play zero-sum games. Those don’t build community or connection.
Instead, I prefer to consider how we can all succeed. Isn’t that part of why we build community to connect?
The eclipse was an opportunity to build informal and temporary community. I hope those feelings can lead to better connection without coercion.
The question this month is When and how should we build community to connect with each other?
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Johanna
© 2024 Johanna Rothman
Great write-up, Johanna.
This stood out for me – “Community can build human connection—but only as long as the community adapts and changes to the changing environment. That allows the culture to evolve and change.”
I find that the evolving part of the community is very important, and for it to keep growing, the leaders of the community need to have a pulse on that.
Many times, it starts out meeting a need that may change over time, and knowing that and moving with that change helps sustain the community!
Thanks, Toyin. Yes, the needs change so the community needs to change!