Last week, I had two major social interactions. First, I spoke at the Tech Leader Summit, which was great fun. I had a blast reconnecting with my colleagues and meeting new people. And I got to talk mostly about the Modern Management Made Easy books. A total win.
My role was that of the expert. And my expertise allowed me to enjoy professional conversations with my existing and new connections.
Then, Mark and I attended an extended family wedding. The groom was our son-in-law’s brother. So, not our family by family tree, but yes, our family.
We had a great time. That’s because we were not the people holding the wedding, as was the case for our daughter’s and son-in-law’s wedding two years ago. That wedding felt like a whirlwind weekend. I had a hard time remembering people’s names and who was related in what way to whom.
In contrast, at this wedding, we had no pressure. We could take the time to relearn everyone’s names and their relationships. That meant we spent a lot of time talking and laughing, enjoying ourselves. I was delighted to reconnect with these lovely people.
My role changed. Instead of being an expert, or consultant, or writer, I was a mom or a mother-in-law. I introduced myself as “N’s mom,” or “M’s mother-in-law.” Yes, I used those words. I hadn’t introduced myself as “N’s mom” since my children were in preschool or regular school. It was great fun.
In social settings, I don’t always know how to have “small talk,” but I’ve practiced asking about other people’s children and their work. While this kind of small talk still challenges me, I change my role to separate the professional from the personal. I base that on my understanding of each role.
Changing Roles Requires Understanding and Separating Each Role
Most of us “inhabit” different roles in our lives. I’m lucky enough to be a wife, mom, and now grandmother. At the same time, I’m a consultant, speaker, and writer. In addition, I’m an extrovert, a music lover, and a sailing enthusiast.
We all have many roles. You might include your religious or gender affiliation as part of your roles. We differentiate ourselves and our roles in many ways.
The more we understand each of our roles and how that role fits in the specific situation, the more likely we can comfortably change roles at the right time. While I’m better at that now, I’m not perfect at it. I needed practice to clarify each of my roles—and my roles change as I evolve and age. Those changes sometimes make it difficult for me to separate my roles.
If you’re a little geeky as I am, you might have trouble with “small talk,” also. My extroversion helps, but I have to watch what I say. Too often, I say the wrong thing, especially in social situations. (Yes, my big mouth always gets me in trouble.)
That’s why I like to remember my role in this situation. When I think about my role in this situation, I’m more likely to be more socially appropriate.
In turn, the more socially appropriate I am, the more comfortable I am. Understanding my role helps me interact more freely and enjoy this specific social setting.
I had a blast last week. Both as a professional at the conference and as “N’s mom” and “M’s mother-in-law” at the wedding. If you clarify your roles, you might also be more comfortable the next time you’re in an unfamiliar social setting.
Announcements…
The book Project Lifecycles: How to Reduce Risks, Release Successful Products, and Increase Agility is done and available everywhere you buy books or take them out of the library. I was thrilled to be able to do most of the work myself. If you, too, are tired of fake agility, read this book and use the tips to increase agility in your projects.
If you want to improve your nonfiction writing—either the ease or the words—check out my Q1 2024 writing workshop. Use that link to register or get on the notification list.
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- Managing Product Development Blog
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Till next time,
Johanna
© 2023 Johanna Rothman