I finished a book a couple of weeks ago. Except, it was only close, not completely done.
A couple of days later, I thought I nailed it! Again, I was close but not quite done.
Another day or so later, this time I really nailed it. Yes, you know the punch line! Almost—but there were a few issues I needed to address.
Now, I finished the book, and it is wending its way through the various distributors. I’m very happy about this. (See Project Lifecycles: How to Reduce Risks, Release Successful Products, and Increase Agility to see the book information and where to buy the book.)
But notice I had all these “once I…” experiences. Mine were about finishing because I have much more starting energy than finishing energy.
However, I’m not alone.
I see this all the time with my writing, speaking, and consulting friends and colleagues. Here are some quotes:
- Once I get to speak on a particular conference stage, I know I made it.
- Once I get a publisher to agree to publish my book, I know my book is good.
- Once I get this kind of promotion at work or some other external validation, I know I’m as good as I think I am.
These are all external validations. Sure, I love it when conferences invite me to speak, or when magazines want to publish my short stories. And I am vain enough that when people call me nice names on the various socials, I get a little thrill.
In contrast, my “Once I” experiences were about my ability to finish a specific task. I had internal motivation for that.
I’m not sure one is better or worse than the other—because it all depends on how you use these experiences.
How Do You Use Your “Once I…” Experiences?
One of my writer colleagues said (for years), that once she got on Oprah, she would have her book promotion made. She’d have a guaranteed best-seller.
She got on Oprah and nailed the interview. However, her book did not become a best-seller. That book continued to sell one or two copies a day, which is outstanding. But not a “best-seller.” That one “Once I…” experience left her dissatisfied because she used the experience as external validation.
That’s because there’s always someone more “successful” than you are, regardless of what you want to achieve. External validation doesn’t have a lasting effect on me.
In contrast, I use these “Once I…” experiences to maintain my energy so I finish the work. Some of my colleagues use these experiences to challenge themselves to do something better.
That feels very different to me than someone who compares themselves to others, especially for validation.
That’s the question this week: How many “Once I…” experiences do you need to be satisfied? And yes, I’m very satisfied that the book is done, done, done!!