How often have people asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up? (Some of us have asked ourselves this question even though we’re supposedly grown up.) But that question hides a critical assumption: that what we want to be will give us the lives we want to have.
Too often, I see people live for the weekend, not enjoying their work. Or loving their work, but not integrating their work into the rest of their lives.
I’m not big on work/life “balance.” There’s life, and work is a part of it.
That’s why I’d like to change the question. Instead of asking what we want to be, we can ask ourselves what kind of life we want.
Even that question might not be right for all phases of our lives. So here are my recommendations for early in our lives.
Early Life Questions
Most people—including myself—have no idea what the possibilities are when we’re kids or teenagers. That’s because we can only see inside careers that we experience in some form. For example, if we’ve ever stayed in hotels, we understand a little about hospitality. Or, if we know physicians or nurses, we might understand a little about the practice of medicine. (But not about research or any of the supporting structures behind the practice of medicine.)
In the same way, if we’ve never met people who worked in a factory, we might not know anything about manufacturing. And indeed, when I was growing up, I didn’t know anyone who worked in software product development. I did know one person who worked in IT. Back then, the lines between IT and product development were stark—now, they are quite blurred.
If you have a chance to meet a teenager and ask about the future, consider these questions instead:
- How much do you want to work inside a building or outside—in all kinds of weather?
- How much do you want to collaborate with people or work alone? (Most careers require collaboration skills.)
- How do you want to learn new things: with your mind, hands, or both?
There are plenty more questions you could ask. But these questions help people start to rule careers in (as opposed to rule out) by how they want to work.
But there’s a problem with these questions, too. They assume people know how they want to work. In my experience, the younger we are, the less we know.
We need more experience to know ourselves.
Early- to Middle-Career Questions
Aside from knowing I wanted to work in an air-conditioned office, I did not realize how I preferred to work. I thought my software development position meant I would commune with a computer. Alone. Imagine my surprise when I had to learn to collaborate with other people. (Insert hearty laugh here.)
But, by the time I’d worked for three or four years, I could answer the how questions above. That led to questions that required me to reflect:
- What kinds of products did I want to work on? Did the products themselves matter to me?
- Who did I want to work with? What types of people and teams? What about my manager(s)?
- What were my values to guide these questions?
Even when I didn’t know how to form the “right” questions, I valued learning and having fun over almost anything else.
Those values have made it easy for me to decide what to do now that I’m a “certain age.” (Old and proud!)
Late Career and Retirement
Once I turned 60, people asked me when I planned to retire. (This is the opposite of the questions we ask children!) Every time, I said it was more important to me to have the life I wanted.
I’ve changed the mix of my engagements, but that’s because of my vertigo, not my age. Those choices help me live the life I want.
You can choose the life you want at any age. But only if you change the conversation from what you want to be to the life you want to have.
Announcements…
My indexer is working on Successful Independent Consulting.
Register now for the Q2 Writing Workshop. If you want to make a name for yourself, writing is the way to do so. While the AI programs might help people create marketing copy, the world will always need people who can explain what they see and how things got that way. Please join me in the writing workshop.
Read More of Create an Adaptable Life
New to the newsletter? See previous issues.
Here are other links you might find useful:
- Create an Adaptable Life Blog to see the blog, not just the newsletter.
- My Books
- My Workshops
- Managing Product Development Blog
- Johanna’s Fiction
Till next time,
Johanna
© 2023 Johanna Rothman