I am more than “disappointed” by the overturn of Roe v. Wade this past week. I am enraged and full of grief for the women who will die.
When I was in high school, before Roe was passed, several girls “got in trouble” (talk about blaming the victim). A couple of them had babies. They finished high school, and that was because their mothers and families supported them. I’m pretty sure they did not go to college.
The other girls never returned to high school.
I don’t know if they dropped out and lived in poverty or if they died.
Now, with the perspective of 50 years, I wish I had known more.
31 years ago, I had a miscarriage. It was a blighted ovum—a fertilized egg that cannot develop into a fetus. We wanted that pregnancy. But it wasn’t a viable anything. Once the docs diagnosed me, I had a D&C. That procedure not only saved my fertility, but allowed me to move on with my life.
Every year, on that anniversary, I weep in grief for the child we didn’t have. I weep in gratitude for the child we did have later.
Are there states that might consider my procedure an “abortion,” even if there was no viability?
I bet there are. Those states would deny me my reproductive rights. My reproductive rights require that I have the knowledge and freedom to make my own choices.
Reproductive Rights Require the Freedom to Choose Your Unique Path
Your religion might convince you that all abortion is wrong. I disagree with your conviction, both personally and religiously. I needed the personal choice, as I said above. But I also have religious choices.
I am a Jew, not a Christian. In Judaism, we hold that people who are alive have the responsibility to take care of themselves. That’s why I don’t fast on Jewish fast days. I would fall over and hurt myself. I eat and drink normally, to stay healthy. That’s my responsibility.
The United States is not a Christian country. (Well, not yet.) We are supposed to separate church and state.
While you might try to convince me your religion is correct, you do not have the right—or the obligation—to impose your religion on me. Especially when my beliefs and practices do not harm you.
And in Judaism, abortion is necessary, especially to save the life of the mother. Judaism prioritizes the mother over the unborn. Always. See Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg’s The Torah of Reproductive Freedom for more information.
Even if I wasn’t a Jew, I would still require my reproductive rights. If for no other reason than the lessons I learned in high school from watching my peers live through an unwanted event that changed the course of their lives.
We need to use our influence and power to change what’s happening now. Hope and prayer are not a strategy—they’re not even good tactics right now.
Use Your Influence and Power for Change
Each of us can exert our influence in various ways. First, we can control our actions. If you, as I do, believe that reproductive rights are necessary for a healthy culture, here are ways you might use your influence and power to change our current state of affairs.
Start with what you can control.
Circle of Control
You have personal influence and power in your circle of control:
- Give money. If you found Rabbi Ruttenberg’s work useful, consider donating to the Jewish Fund for Abortion Access. (I’m not sure why they made the top part of the page so large that you have to scroll down to the donate button.)
- As an alternative, consider going to 89 Abortion Funds That You Can Give To Immediately and scrolling down to your state.
- According to the NIH, approximately 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. Many of those women have stories like mine. Consider sharing your story. People need to know that miscarriage is a normal occurrence. We need to care for the women and their partners who have encountered a miscarriage.
Then move to your circle of influence.
Circle of Influence
The circle of control tends to be a quiet-one-on-one kind of influence and power. If you are willing, use your circle of influence, a wider perspective:
- Support candidates who support reproductive rights. Withdraw your support from people who do not support reproductive rights. (Conservatives, please read what I write below.)
- Consider this topic as an entree to a discussion of personal freedom. Engage in conversation with people who don’t yet know what to think. Or with people who are open to changing their minds. Do the people you want to influence prize their personal freedom? Or freedom of religion, and more? If so, consider framing this discussion as a form of personal freedom.
- Tell stories of times you chose what to do, even when that choice might not have been anyone else’s choice. You might notice I did not try to convince anyone of the “rightness” of my arguments. I didn’t discuss maternal or infant mortality. Nor did I discuss the emotional, physical, or financial impact of trying to raise a child alone. Nor when life begins. Arguments rarely win. Stories can win.
- Hold close those people who will never change their minds, but with whom you have an emotional relationship that you want to keep. One of my dear writing friends believes abortion is murder. We have agreed never to discuss this topic. (She actually lives her beliefs with financial and emotional support for many people in her congregation.)
Then, there’s the circle of concern, where we jointly use our power together.
Circle of Concern
We have power and influence when more of us act together.
- Vote. Vote for candidates who support reproductive rights.
- Talk about freedom. What does it mean for people to have freedom in which dimensions? Remember the First they came poem. A German Lutheran pastor wrote that poem. It’s about not speaking out because the writer was not one of the people who lost their rights. This point might reach the conservatives in your life.
- Take the long view. Focus on helping people learn what they say they are for and against. Knowledge is power. Remember that the arc of history points to more freedom. (That’s the Overton window image at the top of this post.) We are living in a time of chaos, where a minority has decided for the rest of us.
Reproductive Rights Make Economic Sense
Here’s why it makes economic sense for women to have all reproductive rights available to them:
- Childbirth is risky. Much more risky than most people, especially men, realize. Do you want more single fathers who need to take care of a toddler and a newborn, because the mom died in childbirth? Yes, that happens. That prevents the father from taking sufficient care of both children and puts an enormous economic burden on the entire family.
- More women in the workforce means more productivity, more goods and services. More productivity means more tax revenue. More tax revenue might mean our personal taxes go down—or we can spend money to create a better environment for all.
- Conversely, fewer women working means fewer people in the workforce. When women don’t work, they tend to live in more poverty. More women in poverty means we need more of a social support system. And if you don’t want to support poor people, watch your state’s tax revenues, schools, and overall mortality decline.
- More healthy women means we have more health overall. See the life expectancy by state. (As of 2025, that link is no longer available on the CDC site. Consider this link for maternal mortality rates. That link will change yearly and you’ll have to drill down for the details.)
We all need to act.
Action Counts
As you consider what fits for you, make sure you act, not just use hope and prayer.
The people who overturned Roe had a 50-year plan to do this. They planned and acted.
We can do the same. Do what you can. Give what you can. But act. The more we act, the more likely we will create a country we all want to live in. No matter which state we live in.