We all have some resilience. How much?
I am a creature of habit for many parts of my life. I like my routines. I like having the same breakfast every day. I like eating one of the same three lunches each week. I can change what I eat. I choose not to.
I bet when you drive and encounter a detour, you may be surprised or even flustered for a few seconds. Then you go with the detour.
We think of resilience as “bouncing back.” What if we considered it adapting to change?
Bouncing “back” is more difficult when you have a big change. If you decide to change a job, you may bounce differently than if you get laid off. When you initiate the change, you may find it easier to bounce. When the change happens to you? It’s more difficult. You might never return to where you were. (As an example, I am never going to live without vertigo. I can adapt to my new life, but I can never return to the old life.)
When we initiate change, we are in control. We may have even thought about the change in advance. If you look at the Satir Change Model, by the time we initiate the change, we may already have the Transforming Idea.
I find it easier to be resilient when I have the transforming idea already. I’ve been mulling around what I need to do to change, already in Chaos. Making the change is similar to a “Simple Matter of Programming” once you know the algorithm. I know what I have to do. I may not know how to do it, but I have the Transforming Idea. That gets me to Practice and Integration.
Contrast that reaction to a self-initiated change to one where you are not in charge of the change. When you have a health crisis, you get laid off, even if someone doesn’t choose you for a job you interviewed for, you are at the mercy of someone or something else. You didn’t choose this change. It chose you.
You need your self-esteem to manage your reaction to change that happens to you. You need to build your resilience skills. And, if it’s one of a series of changes that happen to you, you need the courage to manage one more challenge.
How much change can you handle? How much is too much change, so you cannot accommodate the changes in your life or at work?
Everyone has their own level. I bet that level changes throughout your life. As you learn how to be more resilient, you can handle more change. If you are high on self-esteem, you can manage more change.
There is no right or wrong answer. However you answer—and I am sure this is context dependent—that is the right answer for you.
All of the people who have commented on my Inside a Vertigo Attack page have managed their resilience in the face of vertigo attacks. They have found a way to continue to live, and in most cases, to thrive.
You build your resilience by recognizing you are in change and by being as resilient as you can be. Yes, practice counts.
This is why we should not make things too easy for our kids. We should not give medals for just showing up. We can help them learn to use the growth mindset, so they can coach themselves and learn from their mistakes.
We need to learn to coach ourselves into a hopeful mindset. As we use hope and the growth mindset, we can become more resilient. We can adapt better.
Practicing change helps me build my resilience.
Dear adaptable problem solvers, this is the question of the week: How do you build your resilience?
- Who Do You Compete With?
- What Do You Expect of Yourself?